Greetings USPers!
Thank you for the updating emails that have let me know that what I am remembering and feeling are real, legitimate. Also that I am not alone in still feeling them. I must admit, this last semester, four whole months, flew by extremely quick. And I too got caught in the busyness of school, work, etc. I tried so hard to slow down and have tea times everyday, which lasted for longer than I guess I could have hoped for, but then slowly got lower on my daily priority list. I remember thinking so much during the day, constantly filtering what I was being told with our time in Uganda and ending up with a headache. A confusing, unsure, frustrated, “tension” headache. All I wanted to do was lay down and hopefully shut off my mind, and wake up clear-headed. Haha. That didn’t exactly happen. Maybe I should have let myself do what I wanted to so badly, and what kimber articulated so well in her monologue: rock back and forth, to shake the confusion and release the tensions that were building up inside me.
Truthfully it wasn’t all bad, it was actually a whole lot better then I imagined it to ever be. My roommates and I got along really well, which I was surprised and blessed by. And I made a new friend who really was a friend. She felt what I did at times and questioned almost everything along with me. The best blessing though was a new church (a CRC one I found after our reunion at calvin) close enough for me to bike too, and found just at the point when I was about to through in the towel on Christianity. It was sweet to be part of a community outside of my “private-school bubble.”
But I guess overall at school I felt lonely, odd, and misunderstood. Similar to steph, people quickly readjusted to their lives and Uganda was somehow lost in the shuffle of life, school, work, meetings, one-on-ones… Not only did others forget about it, but I even had a hard time grasping it. I wanted so deeply to find people who cared, a community like USP who cared about others, the body of Christ in action! And overall to feel like I had purpose, like in Uganda. “I am because we are” or “I participate therefore I am” wasn’t so easily identifiable. All the tension between the social gospel and the theological gospel is a whole lot harder to reconcile when you have shifted more toward the social side but then lack a “society” or community to act with.
Looking back on the semester, I would say I adjusted to being home a lot better than I feared and imagined it would be during debrief. I have thought a lot about what we learned in Uganda, and tried to put as much of it into action as I could. I am really interested in community development now, and am looking in to grad schools or programs for the spring. So if anyone knows of a good school or opportunity let me know! J
Now its summer and I have moved back home in nor cal. It’s beautiful here, and warm. I am hopefully going to be volunteering at a community center in a rougher area of my city and working a job somewhere. But I have also left that church that I love and my new friends at school, so AGAIN I have transitioned and crave a community again. I remember what kimber’s brother told her about leaving Uganda, “Uganda is like the rest of your life.” Transitions really are constant! A lot of my questions that I came to Uganda with are still even more so on my mind. And when the questions have to do with the foundation that you have always based your life on: Jesus Christ and God and purpose, it can be dehabilitating. I definitely don’t have all the answers still, but I am seeking truth and trying to live faithfully without them.
Today I am remembering Uganda more than I have since I got back I think. I am listening to Sufjan and just watched the debrief dvd (thanks seth). I ate rice and beans, and missed posho with top-up sauce. I walked to a coffee shop this morning and felt like I was journeying to Kampala, but missed the red dirt and even the kids shouting mzungu. I miss my Mukono family and I miss all of you. When I was there and with you, I felt like I was a part of something. Something that made all my questions of faith and God fade. Something bigger than myself. And something that I think very much was truth, whatever that means. Thank you for all being you and a part of my life!!
Love,
Aimee
Ps. Thank you kimber for forwarding all the emails to me, I think I somehow got taken off the list. AND sorry that as I reread what I wrote it was really scattered and long… hope it reminds someone of Uganda somehow. Nice time!
