aimee: [forever] a mzungu

2008-05-14T15:16:00.000-07:00

from a letter i wrote to USPers.

2008-05-14T15:11:00.000-07:00

Greetings USPers!

Thank you for the updating emails that have let me know that what I am remembering and feeling are real, legitimate. Also that I am not alone in still feeling them. I must admit, this last semester, four whole months, flew by extremely quick. And I too got caught in the busyness of school, work, etc. I tried so hard to slow down and have tea times everyday, which lasted for longer than I guess I could have hoped for, but then slowly got lower on my daily priority list. I remember thinking so much during the day, constantly filtering what I was being told with our time in Uganda and ending up with a headache. A confusing, unsure, frustrated, “tension” headache. All I wanted to do was lay down and hopefully shut off my mind, and wake up clear-headed. Haha. That didn’t exactly happen. Maybe I should have let myself do what I wanted to so badly, and what kimber articulated so well in her monologue: rock back and forth, to shake the confusion and release the tensions that were building up inside me.

Truthfully it wasn’t all bad, it was actually a whole lot better then I imagined it to ever be. My roommates and I got along really well, which I was surprised and blessed by. And I made a new friend who really was a friend. She felt what I did at times and questioned almost everything along with me. The best blessing though was a new church (a CRC one I found after our reunion at calvin) close enough for me to bike too, and found just at the point when I was about to through in the towel on Christianity. It was sweet to be part of a community outside of my “private-school bubble.”

But I guess overall at school I felt lonely, odd, and misunderstood. Similar to steph, people quickly readjusted to their lives and Uganda was somehow lost in the shuffle of life, school, work, meetings, one-on-ones… Not only did others forget about it, but I even had a hard time grasping it. I wanted so deeply to find people who cared, a community like USP who cared about others, the body of Christ in action! And overall to feel like I had purpose, like in Uganda. “I am because we are” or “I participate therefore I am” wasn’t so easily identifiable. All the tension between the social gospel and the theological gospel is a whole lot harder to reconcile when you have shifted more toward the social side but then lack a “society” or community to act with.

Looking back on the semester, I would say I adjusted to being home a lot better than I feared and imagined it would be during debrief. I have thought a lot about what we learned in Uganda, and tried to put as much of it into action as I could. I am really interested in community development now, and am looking in to grad schools or programs for the spring. So if anyone knows of a good school or opportunity let me know! J

Now its summer and I have moved back home in nor cal. It’s beautiful here, and warm. I am hopefully going to be volunteering at a community center in a rougher area of my city and working a job somewhere. But I have also left that church that I love and my new friends at school, so AGAIN I have transitioned and crave a community again. I remember what kimber’s brother told her about leaving Uganda, “Uganda is like the rest of your life.” Transitions really are constant! A lot of my questions that I came to Uganda with are still even more so on my mind. And when the questions have to do with the foundation that you have always based your life on: Jesus Christ and God and purpose, it can be dehabilitating. I definitely don’t have all the answers still, but I am seeking truth and trying to live faithfully without them.

Today I am remembering Uganda more than I have since I got back I think. I am listening to Sufjan and just watched the debrief dvd (thanks seth). I ate rice and beans, and missed posho with top-up sauce. I walked to a coffee shop this morning and felt like I was journeying to Kampala, but missed the red dirt and even the kids shouting mzungu. I miss my Mukono family and I miss all of you. When I was there and with you, I felt like I was a part of something. Something that made all my questions of faith and God fade. Something bigger than myself. And something that I think very much was truth, whatever that means. Thank you for all being you and a part of my life!!

Love,

Aimee

Ps. Thank you kimber for forwarding all the emails to me, I think I somehow got taken off the list. AND sorry that as I reread what I wrote it was really scattered and long… hope it reminds someone of Uganda somehow. Nice time!

ridgecrest with ali.

2008-04-20T18:11:00.001-07:00

i love my grandparents

a humble dinner.

2008-03-08T21:34:00.000-08:00

i met this guy on my way to the grocery store a few weeks ago. he was sitting outside his place and i had a quick conversation with him. on my weekly walks to stater bros and back, and on my ride to church i have seen him at least once a week. he calls me "hun," and we talk about everything from rattle snakes to fishing to salsa. i really like being in the community (outside of a car) because nothing dull ever happens on any of my "trips through town". i loving knowing my community and being a part of my community and building relationships in my community. it really makes me gleefully smile every time i leave my bubble-school-world.

so, yesterday afternoon i decided that since i wasn't going to go to the grocery store i still wanted to be consistent in seeing stanely every friday, so i set out to his place: the villas nursing home. stanley is 84 and genuine. from the first time i met him and the second time he remembered me i was so glad that i walked to the grocery store. :) i found him inside this time. usually he is always enjoying the outdoors, but this time he was watching tv inside. we talked for awhile and then his dinner was served. he asked with genuine excitement if i wanted to join him, so of course i agreed! he offered me one of his sandwiches and we enjoyed his simple tray of food. i cannot tell you what kind of sandwich it was... ham/spam/crab... who knows, but i do know that it was offered in genuine hospitality and love, so it was wonderful! washed down with orange hi-c and pears were also great. it was one of the best dinners i have had since being back in the states because it was the epitome of hospitality: offering everything he had with open hands and not having an agenda to meet.

"a visitor is not an intruder."
in uganda and surprisingly down the street too.
who knew?!
the breaching of two worlds. two world views.
life in the tension. united.
thanks stanley!

numerous simple blessings: joy.

2008-02-10T19:19:00.001-08:00

I am enjoying a warm health nut muffin,
which my mom sent me the ingredients for to bake here.
Amazing how simple blessings come.
And I have yet three more to share.
One blessing is actually a mix of blessings rolled into one,
all situated in the Midwest.

Thankfully I was able to complete my flight from SoCal to blustery Chicago (blessing because lots of flights were being canceled and delayed!),
where I met some girls in Uganda with me.
We safely made our journey to Grand Rapids, Michigan,
where shrieks and laughter filled the foyer of the chapel at Calvin College,
as we embraced others from Uganda,
and for me that included my roommate, Kimber (blessing number two).

Sitting in a beautiful chapel.
I look to my left and to my right and see friends. family. usp.

Shhhshing only lasted for those few minutes we were causing a noticeable raucous,
because for the whole weekend we talked and laughed and reminisced.
And enjoyed tea.
Tea. Tea. Tea.
Somehow I like tea a whole lot more when I am sharing it with a friend.
Sugar and company: two necessary ingredients to a good, warm cup of tea.
To give you a picture of how much tea I had, one day I calculated 40oz,
all of which held the two ingredients so it was worthy!

The fam girls reunite.
The snow is blowing.
Hot steamy roobios tea ties the two as one.
Like a highlighted night in Uganda “babysitting” two of the cutest British-accented children. In a home warm with red floors and East African artifacts!
Both seeped in love.
Love reunited.

While we were at Calvin College, we attended the Faith and International Development Conference, which was so encouraging.
I was introduced once again to this idea of sustainability and development (ie. Long term commitment to using the assets that a community already has to empower them (not “save” them)).
This idea is versus relief, which is a short-term aid that does good for extreme situations, but which can also cause dependency if it lasts too long!
I am so interested in this idea. it has really made me wonder what mindset short-term missions people are going with, and what I went with, and how/ if I will return.

The overall community of people there were so encouraging.
Recycling was encouraged!
Plastic mugs were distributed for use during the conference (and beyond)!
Social justice issues were addressed.
Eclectic-dread wearing-artistic-creative-hippies.
And there was tea time!
And snow!!

Quaint. Classic. Victorian.
The Midwest.
White. Blustery. Pure.
In wintertime.
Mittens. Long johns. Earmuffs.
Warmth within the cold.

[culture shock phase one: honeymoon: some may say]

When the theme of the conference was addressed, kimber glanced over at me…
…. It was from John 15: abide.
This verse pops up everywhere it seems.
John 15:5 “Apart from Me you can do nothing.”
This seems to be where I come back to often.
It has been so hard for me to combine the two worldviews as one, and integrate the faith is shown through action while keeping with saved by grace.
But as one speaker pointed out, God was the first Developer and Sustainer!!
SO, we must love because we were loved,
We must promote reconciliation because were reconciled to God through Jesus,
And therefore because peace, reconciliation, and love were shown to us that must be the reason we [i] do these things also.
God, may I act out of faith and assurance in my salvation!!

as we abide in Christ
we are part of the same Vine
and have the same Gardener.

Coming back to CBU after the Midwest has been a struggle,
Frustrations about no recycling and no community and wanting it to be like Calvin or with USP was paralyzing at times. No one seemed to understand. Or care.
But now I come to blessing number three.

Today I biked to Hope Community Church (a CRC church) that I had found on the internet.
Aside from the blessing of biking through my community and waving to Stanley as I passed by him, the church is now going to be my home.
I walked in and was greeted warmly.
And then met Mary Jo.
Mary Jo invited me to sit with her, passed me a mint, and introduced me to all her friends. People asked her who I was and she went out of her way to introduce me.
I was glowing I am sure.
I was pleased as a bee.
Grinning from ear to ear.
Overwhelmed by the blessing of community. [In my community too]
Then we talked about GEMS, a young girls program and I start next Tuesday.
I am going to dinner at her house the night before.
And the young adult leader invited me over anytime, and told me about Tuesday night Bible study with college students.
We had lunch after and I talked with the pastor, who remembered my name after!!
It was wonderful.
The ride back I was ecstatic with blessings.
It’s amazing how simple blessings come.
And light up a life!

I continue to live in the tension.
The tension of listening to my mind and my heart.
The tension of wanting to be so many places and being here.
The tension of faith and action.
But these blessings seem to make the light at the end of the tunnel feel nearer.

“It’s the Joshua tree's struggle,
That gives it its beauty.”
[the glass house, walls pg 38]

undesired cynicsm.

2008-01-20T16:57:00.000-08:00

Cynic. Skeptic. Doubter.

I left Uganda feeling so happy and sure.
And now I have no idea who I am or what I am doing or what I should be doing.

I miss the red dirt and the red hands from scrubbing stains out with omo and the red floors at missionaries homes where we were welcomed like family.

I miss cold showers and rice and beans.

I miss fam girl prayers and food having relational purposes not just to fill the void of the stomach. We were created to eat and need food daily, not so we could enjoy the food but enjoy fellowship regularly. The growling we here from a hollow-empty tummy is a built-in reminder of our need for relationships. And Jesus was the ultimate Relator and offered Himself as the eternal bread and wine that we could ever need.

Call me crazy, but I prefer the long, dusty walks and hot days outside, to the car-driven cold days here which keep us inside.

I want someone to understand. Someone to agree with me. Someone to believe what I do and work together with them to activate change.

I hate arguing and standing alone in what I believe, I just want to agree. But I cannot. I was reminded by a friend from Ghana, West Africa who I saw today in the caf, about community. He remembered me after all these months and that I was going to Uganda. It was a few minutes of home. He was present with me and of course I was the one to bow out (they hint but never make the move; to do so would be rude!). But in talking to him about the differences, the first he said was, “it’s so much more communal-based, huh?!” I was like YES!

I want a church that supports me and knows me and is looking outward with their money instead of inward. One of which I can sing with and know that our hearts are beating, and our hands are clapping, with the hearts of thousands upon thousands of other believers around the world. One that does what it says. And worships the God they sing praises to with actions not just words. Who recognizes that the poor, hungry, prisoners, etc. are Jesus in the flesh (matthew 25).

Many a day I feel like putting my head down and stopping the thoughts. Curling up and escaping this reality that is so unreal to me. Stopping the analyzing and ending the cynicism. To understand and to be what I should be. “Living in the tension” is so much harder than four words sound to be!

All these questions. All this cynicism. Leads me down the road I keep pinching myself for, doubting that all this is true. What if the Bible is wrong? What if God is not real? Deep down I think I know that it is true, but it is still so hard to have faith. I wonder if the Church acted how it should, like Christ’s disciples, if I would have more faith (same with other unbelievers). I want to help the poor and live like the poor and serve others. But I do not want to help the poor, live with the poor, and serve others if I am doing it in vain. It is injust the way that they live. But I want to reach out to them with more hope and more faith myself than just to be a good person. I want to be confirmed in my faith so that I can act in my faith. Am I scared? Faith. Faith. I also come back to this. It is so easy to forget this. I pray that I would gain more of this.

More questions. More concerns. More cynicism. More doubts.

More answers are wanted. More direction is desired.

This is such a random collection of thoughts.

Today in church these were my thoughts:

To say that we are following a god means people are looking at us to see what God is like and who He is. People have other gods: shoes, lovers, work, money, food… and it is evident what they believe and who or what they worship. If they can stand for the god they believe in who is false, why can’t we stand firm and true to the true God who we follow?!

We must be disciples. Examples of the true God! [Are we displaying TRUTH or falsities?]

Matthew 25:31-46 (ESV)
"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on his glorious throne. Before him will be gathered all the nations, and he will separate people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. And he will place the sheep on his right, but the goats on the left. Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me,I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.' Then the righteous will answer him, saying, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?' And the King will answer them, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.' "Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not clothe me, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.' Then they also will answer, saying, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to you?' Then he will answer them, saying, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.' And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life."

a.janee.

the apartment that doesn't replace home.

2008-01-20T13:31:00.000-08:00

this is my apartment where i am now living in. a window into the place my roomies, lori and lauren, temporarily call "home".

back to cbu.

2008-01-09T22:11:00.000-08:00

well, in one month I have moved from simple, warm, beautiful Uganda, to stormy and cold, yet comfortable home, to an apartment in southern California with two girls I somehow know. I guess I can adapt well because I seem to be able to adapt to this culture, like I was able to adapt to Ugandan culture. I am definitely always thinking of Uganda, maybe even subconsciously now that I think of it. Wondering what patu would think if he was with me in the cafeteria? Or why we needed to buy a plastic bag holder? Or why in the world there is such poverty yet such wealth? And saddened by the reality that people may not know the stark difference, but also that it exists just around the corner.

The minute I walked into my apartment I loved it! The colors are brown, which I love. And it is spacious and yet cozy. I set up the two suitcases or so of stuff I had brought and have since had several interactions with friends that I truly loved. Like a walk around the block, and a long lunch, and a couch convo. They have all been awesome, and I am astounded by the depth to which these people care about me. And the questions and interest they have in knowing how I am and how Ugandan is and was. It too was more welcoming than imagined.

I am excited to live life. Slow down. And appreciate everything I have been blessed with. I have a new profound appreciation for words, classic novels and movies, music, and even the theatre. Dan Haseltine, a Jars of Clay band member, said something I love and is so true: “an artist [is] a prophet to a world full of busy and important people who need the ‘Cliff Notes’ version of how the world is how it could be.”

It is strange though to always be cold. And to never be outside. And walk into a building and know that it will be warm. And not have a bird fly into the classroom. Or see geckos on my walls at night. Or not have to move my chair into the classroom. And to have more food choices than I can fathom. But I love riding to class on my roomies handle bars and have made a real effort to put people first and value convos and be present. It has been good.

To the question, are you happy to be back, I respond that I loved it there and would have been fine staying and would take the next flight over if I could. But that I recognize all good things must come to an end. And that I am here now, so I am going to be.

a.janee.

a reverse culture shocked Christmas with more love than i could have hoped for.

2008-01-09T22:10:00.000-08:00

On my final flight home from Uganda, I had no idea how my friends or family would react to me or how I would be anymore. I was scared and excited and anxious all at the same time. I pity the guy sitting next to me on that flight from dallas to sacramento, I was so bored and jittery and talkative after all the hours floating in the sky.

But when I got off the plane I was welcomed with more love than I imagined. My mom cried of course, but she warned me and of course she would, her baby was home! And they were holding up a welcome home sign. And a few friends were there with flowers and my bf sarah had sent a bag of trader joes goodies too. It was wonderful. Leaving the airport I suddenly felt freezing cold. And looking back on that return to the American reality, it was strange. The streets were so smooth and the car was so spacious and comfortable. My house was the same, plus the welcome home signs- big and nicely decorated.

Church was weird, I never realized how much I appreciated the high church setting in the Anglican church in Uganda. But I miss it. I love the liturgy and the open buildings and the community. The Christmas service was a choir presentation and I was leery of the invitation to prayer the sinners prayer at the conclusion. I was wondering where the follow-up to these people would be and where the relationships with these people are and most importantly whether these people know that being a follower of Christ is not a walk through the park. It is not the happy choir songs, the warm spacious building or the purple comfy chairs. It is not just a prayer, there is action!! To tell you the truth I didn’t close me eyes.

Then the lame picture thing, I have decided that another cause of stress is computers and pictures. They are headache inducers hands-down. And I don’t really know if I like them. But after we got that squared away, my family loaded up the car and drove to my grandparents home for a big family Christmas gathering. It was good for the most part. But culture shock was definitely recognizable. In Uganda time is relationship-oriented, not efficiency-oriented like it is here in the states. And meals are the central part of the day, they are appreciated. So it was awfully disappointing to walk in a few minutes late to our traditional Christmas eve service and realize that everyone had prayed and eaten, or were already finished. I was like whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold it. Bummer. I was disappointed, but my parents were understanding and didn’t let it go again. I still recognized and recognize a desire to make a fast meal, eat is quickly, and clean it all speedily. I wonder, why the hurry. What’s the rush? What could be possibly more important or a better use of our time? Its bizarre and unloved by me. I just want people to appreciate time and people and the food they are given, and for me to do the same more!

My mommy and my bf sarah planned a welcome home party, which at first was an overwhelming idea, but turned out to be a blessing. We served some African food that I would have a lot or that was significant to me somehow, and over thirty people came. I did a brief presentation and answered some questions. It was overall pleasant to see that people genuinely cared about me and my trip, and were willing to share a listening ear to my stories.

Leaving home was one of those things I wish I didn’t have to do again, especially so soon. I had somehow planned to stay home this semester, but realized that for one, I had to make the decision and believe that God wouldn’t smite me for my choice, and two, that I needed to return to the “real world” and rekindle relationships I had left behind. So after some wet tears and a little fear I took yet another plane to so cal, where the air is still as freezing cold as home.

Thanks to everyone who kept up on my blog (I felt honored and loved that so many people told me upon seeing them that they had read some or all of my blog). And for supporting me and encouraging me, and genuinely happy to see me and hear stories! :)

(and the code word that my friends created for me to say just in case I felt overcrowded or overwhelmed was such a simple yet profound sign that they cared and were there for me!)

a.janee.

....................................................................................................................

uganda day was one of my favorite moments at home.
my family was so encouraging and good sports to all that i put them through!

final blog from uganda.

2008-01-09T22:00:00.000-08:00

“I am sitting on green grass in the back corner of the compound of a gorgeous convent in Uganda. The sounds of the mingling of bird harmonies almost drowns out the singing voices coming from a church service. Reflecting back on this semester encompasses SO much.” Here is a glimpse of what I experienced, from a journal entry during debrief:

So much has changed since the beginning of my journal until today. So many things have happened, so many questions have been asked (with some answers), and in so many ways I have been challenged.

The biggest impact has been understanding more fully that Jesus came to restore relationships. Not only between us and God, by His death the curtain was torn around the Most Holy Place in the temple. But also He has existed in relationships with people, not focusing on efficiency but faithfulness. Not bothered by interruptions and moved by compassion to be with the suffering, not only to heal them. He transcends culture and meets everyone where they are. He was present with us and He calls us to abide (stay with Him) with Him. Jesus did NOT come to restore relationships with a new set of rules, but to enter into fellowship with us and show us the way to be His disciples. He existed in all our suffering and loved us first, so we could love others, show compassion to them, and be present with them. It is not about earning salvation, but walking by faith in belief that who He is and what He calls us to is true. Belief is expressed in action (James 2, 1 John 3:18). Nothing we do can be our own doing or our own good works because it is in Christ and His power in that that they glorify Him.

Another important lesson is that belief is acted out. Jesus said, “Come, Follow me” and “I am the WAY, the truth, and the life.” It is not merely a cozy understanding that you get to go to heaven for saying God is God, but how your life would change if you really believed that God is God. Priorities. Values. Ethics. Money. Time. These would all shift! Saying versus actions shows the depth of your belief (James 2). Simple living and mere discipleship- both extremely challenging to me and I wonder what my response should be. How should my life change?

“if you wish the world to believe what you say,
you must live as if you believe what you say.”
-camp 189.

This has been the most challenging concept. What do my actions, my priorities, my time say that I believe? My desire and hope is that I value people and relationships over efficiency, consumerism, and piety. That I can love others with a love that God showed me in Christ, by humility, presence (not multi-tasking, but allowing for interruptions; listening before talking), not judging and not letting fear or hurt or sinning paralyze me from committing to love. “love is the willingness to hurt.” We see this in the hands of Christ. Jesus is the model by which we live. He is faithful, I want to be a faithful witness not driven by the ends or the telos, but driven by the means, the praxis, the way - discipleship.

The ends versus means, savior versus disciple reminds me of another important lesson I have learned while being here: Jesus saves I don’t. Africa is not a hopeless continent that needs pity from others. Jesus transcends culture. My calling is not to have an ingenious solution to Africa’s problem and give them the handout. But to be faithful to the bottom-up, grass root ways that I can impact individual people, build relationships, show love, help development. This shatters the western implied mindset that I came with; that I would change the world and save the children in Africa. Its been humbling AND freeing not to have the pressure to solve poverty or hunger, and to rest in the presence of Christ and seek to be faithful witnesses. This does not mean I believe in ignoring the problem or spiritualizing the problem, but accepting that I am only an instrument, not the Doctor. I pray that God will use me to alleviate poverty or hunger, but it is not my focus at all costs. But if God places me in a situation or asks me to do something, than I am willing to go and obey.

Simple living is another way that I hope not to be stagnant in my faith or concern for others. This is a broad issue but a challenging one. Living simply and also helping others to live simply. I commit to washing dishes by hand and not using the dryer (if possible). Eating a simpler diet. Being appreciative of the food I am given and not being prideful, selfish or picky with what I am served. To practice hospitality by offering tea and crackers or biscuits. Helping my family around the house. Being creatively mindful of waste. While balancing this with a good meal once a week or so (the Bible emphasizes feasts!). also cleaning out my clothes and focusing on quality NOT quantity. Along with saving money, giving the money to an organization I believe is holistic and sustainable. Riding public transport or my bike at least once a week. Looking into a budget based on the poverty line or graduated tithing (some budget for sure!). and overall being mindful of consumerism and materialism, asking myself the motive for a photo, an experience, or a purchase. I believe that the West, myself included, is anxious because of the choices and the amount of things we have (and the value we place on them). Living without making decisions has really made my life simpler this semester. Choices I have had: dry tea or milk tea, posho or rice (and amount), what I will wear. The anxiety I had in shopping for gifts is a testament that choices and decisions are an unnecessary distraction. Reentering a culture that has five decisions surrounding a single cup of coffee will be overwhelming for me. This is not about legalism (notice my leniency and undefined word usage), but about stewardship and the Bible’s rampant littering of verses about the poor and giving to those in need.

I anticipate it being hard to not seem condescending to others about their lifestyles, so I am reminding myself of one, how much I hate feeling guilty and condescended upon; and two, that I had an experience that only forty-five other people had. So it is impossible for me to believe they will have changed or be convicted like me. Abby Bartels once told me, “Guilt is general, conviction is specific.”

I am excited to put into practice what I have learned about hospitality from Ugandans. To eat rice and beans, with veggies of course too. To make my family dinner. And implement tea time into my afternoon or morning. And the idea of sharing sugar over tea with others. I am excited to invest in relationships with my family. To live life, not be a rat running in a race. This semester has opened my mind to the importance of commitment and to embracing Christians and non-Christians – not feeling impurity or sin because recognizing that I am in a relationship with God and thus manifest relationships with others. He is more concerned with my faithfulness and committed actions, abiding, and presence, then completing a list of requirements or rules. Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “Love God, Sin Big.”

Questions I am leaving this semester with still unanswered are:
. will I go back to school or stay at home?
. faith versus belief, and if both require action? (is action required to be saved…?)
. how can I live out and remember what I have learned and stay changed?

Africa is a beautiful place that blew away all my assumptions and expectations. The reality of the world is poverty, but not everyone lives in a hut, are destitute, and/or need globs of money. Sustained commitment and development can help. “Mzungus” have infiltrated culture and old traditions are ending, with westernization rising. “bye mzungu bye.”

Bye mzungu. Bye.

Bye mzungu. Bye.

A topless girl with a ripped skirt says as I pass.

Bye mzungu. Bye.

A trailing potbelly boy yells exuberantly from behind me.

Bye mzungu. Bye.

A chorus of uniformed school children yell from the schoolyard as I walk by.

Bye mzungu. Bye.

No sweetie, it’s “hi,” I try to tell them.

Hi. Hi. Hi.

They all chant in unison.

Pass by again: bye mzungu bye.

Ma’am why don’t they say “hi.”

I inquire aloud.

“They are saying bye as you pass,” she replies.

Pass.

To pass is to see, but not stop.

Do they only know mzungus as passing by?

Do we show them bye.

So they rightly respond with a blatant, verbal bye.

Can we really see poverty and suffering and not stop to help?

To be present.

To life like they do. And build relationships.

To commit.

We might not admit to knowing the answer.

But the kids seem to:

“Bye mzungu. Bye.”

may i never just pass by or let this semester pass me by.

a.janee.

a compilation of pictures from the entire semester.

2008-01-03T22:51:00.000-08:00

i love uganda. part one.

i love uganda. part two.

freezing in amsterdam.

2007-12-09T09:46:00.000-08:00

my new do.

2007-12-09T09:36:00.001-08:00

This past week has been an intense one, but also not quite very eventful. Sorry for the lacking blog posts, but I do now have news worth noting!

Exams and coursework are coming to an end. In the terms my Ugandan peers use, we are “revising” for a “paper” (which somehow translates to mean studying for exams???). Exams here are a really REALLY big deal. They are worth 50% of your mark and require sitting for a three hour “paper.” I had one on Wednesday, World Views, and I could equate it to the SAT’s in a way. Everyone has to have two ids to enter, and only a pen, key and those cards were allowed. People are scattered throughout the room and the exam booklets and tests are distributed. The proctor (not the teacher), even says the
fun”-yet-stressful “you are remaining with 38 minutes!” It was a tiresome three hours, but I am glad its over! Since then I have finished a term project and am preparing to do one more exam on Tuesday and two more courseworks.

It absolutely blows my mind to think that in less than two weeks I will be back in my house, in my bed, with my family, hot showers, and apples… I have missed these things in time, (my family more than that!) but feel also as if this is all I have ever known. Leaving a nearly four month journey behind will be difficult, yet there is joy in seeing friends and FAMILY!

Okay, so now for the title of the blog to manifest into details. Today I sat for nearly ten hours getting my hair plaited with long twists. My dear friend Emmah, who I met on the swings at the beginning of the term (kindred spirits from the start!) was gracious enough to spend her entire day twisting and twisting my hair. I left my room around eight fifteen in the morning and after getting the extensions, with eating lunch, scarcely-short breaks, and visiting afterward, I returned at nearly eight to campus. I-yi-yie! A very long day. But it was “sweet” to hang out with her and her cousin, in their hostel (apartment/room). So now I have long, about at my heart-length, chestnut brown hair that is in small twists. Good news: I don’t have to wash it for awhile, and I can return home with a new do. Bad news: I fear taking it out because of how much hair is supposedly normally lost. (I kinda freaked at some points thinking about it today- I had lots of time to think- but whatev!) It was amazing to me how long it took and how short it will really stay in… like two weeks maybe. A whole day for two weeks of cool hair!? I think this is a once-a-lifetime event. But I like it and had lots of fun.

About Emmah: she is a Kenyan studying in a pre-year term, which is kinda like senior year high school mixed with a freshman in junior college. She went to beauty school, so is a professional, and wants to study social work. She loves reading and watching movies. And popcorn! She is “sweet!” She even gave me a gift tonight which is so selfless and gracious: this really cute dress that she had, which I guess I commented on a few times that she looked “smart” in it. It’s really convicting and amazing to see people give of what they have in such generous ways. I wish that I could somehow be the same!

Now I am sitting in the dark with a few tea lights glowing next to me. I think I will miss the calmness that comes with a blackout (when I don’t have a paper due the next day that is!). I am leaving this semester soon behind, and am not sure quite how to understand it all. Yesterday in Kampala this guy asked me where I would be in ten years, and honestly I had (and still have not) a clue. If I came with questions, I am leaving with at least the same number. Although in different things. I have learned a lot about Jesus and my faith, but what I am going to do about it all remains the big question. I am looking forward to debrief, where hopefully I can sort out some of this, at least a slice of it!

Last week. Farewells. Hi to mom and alli. Finish exams and courseworks. Friend time. Hmm.

the collision of joy and sorrow.

2007-11-28T23:04:00.000-08:00

Tonight as I was walking back from the main road, I had a moment. With a head of roasted corn in my hand, a new magazine bead necklace on, and the tunes of fergie playing in my ear I was (literally) jammin’ and loving my life. An “is this really my life” moment! Life in Africa is really wonderful, the lessons I have read about have played out before my eyes and taught me so much. The people are so open with all they have, and inspire me. But two things I miss: my family and efficiency. Efficiency is unheard of here. When the internet failed us (again) tonight, my friend matt said, “I wonder how much time we have wasted here… days maybe.” Personally I can’t buy into the belief that it was lost time, I have to assume that it taught me something good. But days are packed full, and yet hardly any work is accomplished. This week I have craved my home more than I have in that last three months. Which I guess is a good thing, since I will have to transition to life there in only three short weeks. Ah! The collision of joy and sorrow.

This week and next is the culmination of all our classes: full of coursework and exams. A little overwhelming on top of the miniscule time we have left here in Africa! So not only am I ending classes, but ending reality as I have known it for four months. It’s bittersweet. I have just felt like I have created friendships and connections in the community finally, but now I am leaving. On the flip side, the idea of chocolate chip waffles with cottage cheese and fruit is sounding more and more wonderful to my tummy. J I can’t wait for Christmas time with my family. No agenda. No anxiety over wasted time. Just relaxing by the fire with a blanket and cuddly socks. Bliss.

Please keep me in your prayers in the few weeks to come if you remember. As everyone copes with the emotions of the bitter-sweet exodus from Africa, I pray that we can encourage and support each other here and not get hostile. The transition from a life I love, back to my old reality which I miss will be hard and overwhelming at times. Pray please that I can cope well, and that I live these last three weeks fully present here with no regrets. As I finish classes, and want to do so much more here, pray that I would not let anxiety creep into me. Also, relationships that I rejoin when I return may be awkward and I ask for prayer that it would be smooth transitioning back into them.

I love you all. And miss you more and more every passing day.

[ My lovely mommy and sister are leaving for the Philippines tomorrow, so any prayers for them would be magnificent and appreciated also. I love them SO much! ]

Thanksgiving Day

2007-11-23T13:34:00.000-08:00

My Thanksgiving day in Africa began with a short jog around the school with a friend, and a cup of sweet black tea. Followed by a morning of classes and a power nap on my favorite bench in front of the children’s library. The focus of the day was on the evening and I found myself (and others voiced similar sentiments) throughout the day purposefully moderating what I ate so that I could surely be hungry for the American feast tonight. In the afternoon, after a good lunch conversation, some friends and I ventured to a professor’s house to use their stove to make our apple crisp dessert for the dinner (and enjoy the couches, family-style house, and even watched friends). I ate so many apple peelings, delightful. I am okay with being an apple peel glutton, it could be much worse. Hehehe. It reminded me of my younger days when mommy would use the apple-peeler-corer-slicer and I would eat a paper towel heaped with a long apple peel snake: that I would chomp and slurp. Good memories relived. Thanksgiving dinner was in the Vice Chancellor, Stephen Noll’s backyard. Essentially a gorgeous garden spacious enough to hold the plus eighty students, student guests, staff, and other ex-pats from the community. Their was music and a big tent, an abundance of chairs and even floor mats. There were other mzungu students (or Hungarians as Kimberly thought) from a program called Food for the Hungry (not Hungary).  I met a wonderful girl named katelyn, and it was good to talk through our different experiences, process aloud with a new face, and think through reengaging the US culture upon return. The feast was barbequed poultry (maybe turkey?) and roasted matooke bananas (an African meal would not be complete without matooke!). a table buffet of coleslaw salad, mashed potatoes, steamed pumpkin, green beans and corn, a dinner roll, and a traditional African fruit salad (watermelon, pineapple, banana, and some popo seeds). It was delightful to enjoy the party with so many people and activity and talk and relaxation all at once. Then was dessert… oh my goodness. Apple crisp, chocolate banana bread, chocolate chip cookies, cakes of sorts, frosting from cakes that had been devoured before me, and kettle corn. I kinda feel shaky now from the sugar overload. But it was worth it ALL!  And to top off the night there was a projector brought out for the showing of Charlie Brown’s Thanksgiving and Christmas films. It was humorous to watch everyone enjoy watching the cartoon so much… its tradition! I am so thankful for my family, the opportunities that I have had in my lifetime (especially Africa), for the friends I have made in my time here, and the place I am at in my life now. Thank you Jesus for life and hope in this crazy fallen world.

Free to laugh. Free to dance. We are family.

2007-11-21T12:30:00.000-08:00

This Monday afternoon, I heard a quiet knock from my atop my plaid-covered bed. And the timid opening of our painfully creaky door where I reside. Followed by the squeal of a young girl in a smart, hot pink pinafore, who proceeded to hurl herself onto me. Trailing quickly behind was a young lad, smart too in his pink button-up and daily polished black school shoes. With a quiet grin he too gave me a big hug, the biggest a skinny boy of age seven could muster I believe. Retracing their steps away from the mat they removed their shoes, then climbed atop my bed beside me. Puppy dog eyes the size of goose eggs that time back had looked around my room with bewilderment were more at home this day. Sharing gnuts together, to fill the tummies of beloved children who had likely not eaten since posho and beans for lunch, the young boy was especially glad, and careful to eat all, even the crumbles. Puffing up his cheeks and popping the air out with his small fingers, likely laden with dirt form the schoolyard, I knew he loved me. Words were not necessary. After sharing laughs, reading about Yertle the “Kabaka” Turtle, and dancing the calypso, I reminded myself that “a visitor is not an intruder” (Taylor). And thus purposed myself to treasure my time spent with these lovely children, knowing too that my time here with them is on the brink of being over. Pasting stickers on each other and translating animal names of the stickers to Luganda, I remember the deserved giggles for my fumbling tongue.

Free to laugh. Free to dance. Unhindered and unashamed. Living outside my fearful self and enjoying life and love.

Holding hands we closed out dance party to “We are Family.” Hands and bodies forming a circle of three, spinning and moving our feet to the tempo, the girl exclaimed, “we ARE family” with purity on her smiling lips. Flooding emotions filled my heart with the inclusive intimacy that my sister had invited me into. I am remembering now what Dr. Brooks shed light on just the other day: Jesus allowed the agendas of people to interrupt Him and was fully present in loving and teaching them. “To live is Christ,” to love is Christ… He who says he abides in Him ought Himself also to walk just as He walked” (Philippians; 1 John 2:5-6).

What if I had not let their interruption conflict with my coursework? What if I had rushed them out after handing them a lollipop like last time? We never would have danced as a family. I never would have seen the lesson of life played out for me. Life is relationships. Presence. Selfless love. And lived not through the tick marks beside a long list of to-dos, but through the allowance of sporadic interruptions to exceed all plans ever imagined. “This is your life/ are you who you want to be” (Switchfoot).

aids in uganda.

2007-11-21T12:24:00.001-08:00

i wrote this for an assignment, but thought you might enjoy reading it!

Sub-Saharan Africa has the highest estimate of children and adults living with HIV in the world, according to a UNAIDS report at the end of 2005. The number is a breath-taking 25.8 million human beings, of the 40.3 people infected worldwide. As early as 1982, Uganda had only two infected persons with the “slim disease,” which exploded to 25-30% of the population being infected by the late 1980’s. A combination of government and non-government forces have successfully worked together to tackle this sweeping epidemic, and have since lowered HIV/AIDS prevalence in Uganda to 6.4%. (Fountain, UCU) Jane is a ten year old girl who was orphaned by AIDS. Tests will show whether she too has been infected, but how will she deal with this death sentence?

Being in Sub-Saharan Africa myself I have had no intimate relationships with anyone directly affected by HIV/AIDS, or at least willing to disclose this painful information to me. My only interactions have been vicariously through other’s stories and through the field trip to a community center in Luwero, to play with children infected with the disease. I was surprised, and humbled, by the excitement these children had for life; and their consistent praise for having life that day and even specifically for their health. Consistently this semester we have stressed the importance of relationships and presence and bottom-up evangelism and aid. Interacting with the children on a personal level, playing games and being graciously handed pieces of chapatti from a boy only five years old, lends me to put into question my previous view of the epidemic.

Before coming to Uganda I knew little about HIV/AIDS. My formative argument for this subject thus came from my politics book review on William Easterly’s book, White Man’s Burden, where he addressed the problem of AIDS and aid. He argues that prevention is a better way to save lives than treatment because there is no cure for AIDS but there are definitive ways to prevent the disease from spreading. With his statistics and the information we learned this weekend, I feel like this is the best way to use our money for foreign aid pragmatically. But I can not see how to feasibly turn my eyes and heart away from the children who are already suffering and have been abandoned, or let the numerous who have been handed their death sentence fall into hopelessness.

The exposure I had to AIDS was very limited while being here, therefore I will not fabricate an empty statement about feeling called to help with HIV/AIDS. However, hearing other stories about friends living with families who had lost so many family members to the disease, and hearing stories like orphaned Jane, reminds me of the mere breath our lifespan on earth is. And that pushes me to live my life purposefully on purpose. To love as Christ loved us: sacrificially and without passing judgment. To live a life of ministry through relationships, and commitment to treating people as people created by the Creator. Inviting interruptions to invade my self-absorbed consciousness and live for others. And being fully present in whatever community God leads me to be a part of, whether diseased, lame, or rich.

classroom visit snaps.

2007-11-15T12:30:00.000-08:00

classrom visitation.

camping trip to the islands snaps.

2007-11-15T12:22:00.000-08:00

ssese islands.

rural homestay snaps.

2007-11-15T12:18:00.000-08:00

rural homestays.

a what? a classroom in uganda.

2007-11-13T09:26:00.000-08:00

Education in Uganda is seen as one of the most important things in life.
Education means a job (hopefully).
A job means money.
Money means food and a home.

My home stay Mum said that her number one priority is giving her children a good education. She chose education over electricity.

A little about the education system in Uganda:

Primary School is essentially elementary school in the US. The levels are P1-P7. Secondary School is a mix of junior high and high school. The levels are P1-P6. It gets complicated here because P1-P4 is “O” level and P5-P6 is “A” level. The distinction, from what I have gathered, is that “A” level gets to specify in their best subjects, as opposed to general classes. And this does not mean a choice of what to study, but a placement into subjects based on exam scores. University is typically three years, for most “courses” (except law and medicine). Again, they do not get to choose their course; the school looks at their exams and offers them to come for that course alone. Exams, therefore, are extremely important. Imagine the amount of stress put on these KIDS, for they are essentially pining for their future everyday starting in primary school!!!

Oh yah, students get to go to school when they have money, not the age. The P2 class I observed ranged from seven to fourteen year olds (avg. was 9 years).

School fees and uniforms are common. Public schooling is not preferred, so most schools are “religious” private school. School fees are one of the biggest headaches of families. I was at my home stay on the first day of school and along with fees, they also had to supply notebooks, pencils, a broom, and toilet paper: these alone were a struggle for my family. Today I was blown away with what school fees actually are: 10,000 Ush per term (three terms per level). That’s about $5.72! On top of school fees, are uniform charges (which are about 10,000Ush) and if you want lunch that’s another 10,000Ush and if you want break porridge that’s another 5,000Ush, and if you want tutoring after school that’s an additional 10,000Ush. If you got all of these if would equal 45,000Ush… a grand total of $25.72 per term. That number multiplied by three every year AND by each child in the family can be very difficult to come by. That blows my mind because I think of what trivial purchases I make with that amount and yet it could easily help a child be educated and thus his future.

Another thing that blows my mind is that students leave at an average of 7 am and get home on average between 4-6 pm (except P1-P2 who may leave at 1pm). Plus walking. Then chores and cooking and revisions at home. The life of a student! Anyone who says Africa is lazy should be punched.

I visited my sister Phionah’s P2 classroom today at Bishop Central Primary School. They are identified by their bright pink uniforms (the “pink school” as opposed to the aqua or purple school).  There were 2 teachers, Cathy and Ronah for a classroom of 80 students!! The classroom was still about the size of a classroom in the US, but instead of desks were rows of benches and tables. And kids crowded in! (I have heard of much worse ratios, especially in rural school where as many as 1-200 students in one class!!)

When I walked in they all rose and welcomed me to P2 in unison. Learning is basically memorization and repetition and lists: very low on Bloom’s Taxonomy. There is no “Why?” question asked or critical thinking, just straightforward copying and memorization of the answers. But that is not necessarily the teacher or students fault:: there are NO resources. There was only one book, for the teacher, in the whole classroom. A chalkboard. And a small notebook (and pencil) for each subject, for each students. It makes sense why they are forced to memorize and repeat everything, yah?!

I should have known better to go into a class and not be asked to teach… so I wasn’t surprised too much when they asked what I wanted to teach! I did a warm-up song (from VBS) and gave a short English lesson of six words. I was nervous and laughing before I started, but I felt really comfortable and at home teaching. It was FUN! 

Similar to schools in the US, to keep them alert they did an activity of jumping and clapping and yelling and dancing (adorable) in between subjects.

Cathy, a new teacher, told me that she guesses that 20+ students will not be promoted to P3, or even demoted to P1. How heartbreaking: so much money wasted. BUT I wonder if it is because the education system is not appropriate for all students. Special education, other than physical handicaps, doesn’t exist. (You can get one-on-one lessons after school, but when money for uniforms is already a problem, so are tutors!) One boy was claimed to be essentially bad or lazy and not a hard worker because he never completes his assignments on time. He was hit with the stick… broke my heart! Teachers are not lovey-dovey. Students seem to fear them, or at least them with the stick in their hand. (I think the stick is a culture/classroom management thing, not a hatred beating tool… I hope.)

The social studies exercise was listing “needs of people in school,” of which the first five responses were: food, toilets, water, uniforms, shoes… then came classes, teachers, books. I will let this speak on its own.

I hope to go back to visit soon. The teachers (and students!) were kind and happy to have me visit. 

island camping.

2007-11-12T03:35:00.000-08:00

this weekend i went camping with sarah and kimberly on an island in the middle of Lake Victoria, one of the largest fresh water lakes in the world. We set up our extremely-ridiculously-heavy tent on the white sand, at the end of the beach. it was relaxing and we spent time roasting marshmallows in our campfire, talking, and reading in hammocks and in the hot sun. it was fabulous! it was so great to have alone time, that was unstructured relaxing... much needed break from our consistently busy weekends and weekdays! :)

hello friends and family at home!

2007-11-08T05:34:00.001-08:00

I am posting three blogs that are fairly long. I apologize but so much has happened and I want to give you a full perspective of what I have been going through these past two weeks.  just a beware warning before you start!

Also, I apologize for the lack of communication recently. It has been equally (if not more) frustrating for me not to have a good internet connection. And when I say good I mean being able to send more than one message every day because it keeps cutting in or being crazy slow.  please pray that I would not be bitter or anxious about reading emails, researching, or registering for classes. It is a daily challenge to be okay with (or without!) it.

So I will write to you all when I have a chance, I have not forgotten about you!! This is a blanket message that I love you all and am coming home next month, and will want to have a good convo over a cup of tea with all of you! 

Love aimee

Hmmmm.

2007-11-08T05:29:00.000-08:00

note: just an update, i am safe. :)

My arrival back to ucu was startling. Kimberly went to our room and found that it had been broken into while we were gone. Walking into the room was extremely creepy, seeing their entrance through the window and everything pulled out and searched through… So much could have been missing, and we are so grateful that only some money was taken. (our laptops were next to the money, and they were still there… amazing!).

because of the size of our window space, we are fairly sure a kid was involved, which breaks my heart because it likely will be used for school fees or food… what a desperate and broken world.

One thing I took from this, and have been reminded of a lot lately, is the shortness of life and the meaningless of material things. It put life into perspective and realigned my priorities. Life is becoming less and less about things, grades, perfection and fear, and more about people, relationships, love. “To live is Christ.”

Miracle?!! Before the trip I was wondering aloud with my friends why I still had my passport in my room. When I got back it was missing. Our intern said he was confident my passport was with the others at immigration, but I was (and still am) 99% sure that i still had it. I was set to get a new one (and part with all my stamps ) and was okay with that, BUT today the intern told me he had it. I literally jumped up and down!!!!  

Both kimber and I are recovering and our nerves are claming, but are very emotionally drained. A praise is that it brought us closer together, but a prayer request would be continued healing from this traumatic experience (especially for the next night the power goes out) and a renewed trust in people.

sound of music: the african way.

2007-11-08T05:23:00.001-08:00

What a beautiful day of hiking!! With packed pb and jelly sandwhiches, four fun friends, and my camera, we set out hiking in Mt Elgon National Park and down Sipi Falls (both in Southeast Uganda, bordering Kenya). 

It was one of the more-prefect days of my time in Uganda. We hiked all day through every terrain imaginable: in the rainforest, through mud, across sketchy bridges and ladders, through fields of matooke (bananas) and maize (corn), and through villages. Our hike culminated at the top of a mountain near an acacia tree (think lion king), overlooking the valley, and at the end of a maize field. There we ate roasted corn (which is a wonderful favorite of mine) with Ugandan boys while overlooking miles of green rolling hills. And listening to three majestic waterfalls gushing. It was a moment I will never forget. Fabulous.

my life in a hut.

2007-11-08T05:17:00.000-08:00

Spending a week living in the African bush was an experience much different than what I expected. On Friday we left for Eastern Africa, the district of Soroti, with the region of Iteso people (who were affected by the flooding of this semester). We stayed the night together at a staff member’s house and then Saturday morning we were dispersed throughout the community into Ugandan families.

The anticipation of who my family would be and what my hut would look like excited me. My dream was living miles from all the white people with me, in a mud hut, with a poor family full of kids. These hopes and expectations were shattered when I pulled up to a few cement buildings slightly off the road. I almost cried because I was so shocked at the “extravagance” of the place, and was only slightly relieved when I saw a cement- grass thatched-hut for me to sleep in. Because this was not the experience I expected or thought I wanted, I had to fight to have a good attitude.

Therefore through the five days I chose to love my family and be present and fight for contentment. A verse at church on Sunday, was Proverbs….. this really spoke to me and challenged me to change my negative thoughts. Processing the trip after I heard other experiences in huts was difficult for me, but I learned a lot. My challenge was not to survive a hut experience, because that would be easy, BUT to be content with the situation I was in and I really had to battle for that! But I also realized that I had a stigma about the people in rural areas ALL being destitute and poor, creating an “us” and “them” divide between us. And it was good to be again reminded that all of Africa is not poor, does not need my help, and is made up of real people who have stories and lives… therefore, they should not be boxed into the “pity-poor-box”.

Once I got over myself, it turned out to be lovely.  My family was wonderful:

Mama Catherine shared a hut with me and her son, Ivan, who was almost two years old. She was such a hard worker, and was responsible for cooking all the meals for the compound, doing laundry, teaching me everything about rural life in Africa, AND caring for her son. If anyone says Africans are lazy… it’s a big fat LIE!!

I woke to Ivan screaming every morning before seven (whooo!), but I was useless because he feared me.  He was adorable 24/7, but equally clingy to his mom and bratty.

My Tata (Grandma) and Papa (Grandpa) were the sweetest folks. Tata was 71 years old and still tilled, swinging a large hoe, in the “garden” (or LARGE farm!). She was a lead farmer for the community in honey and oranges, which she was very proud of! She even had Washington Naval oranges and tangerines… yay, a piece of home!  Papa was a retired educator, who was secretary to the commission of education of Uganda under Obote and Amin (two previous corrupt presidents). So he met and advised the presidents!!  He studied at Leeds University in the UK and was so wise and sharp with current news. Their sitting room and porch was where I spent a majority of my time, in awe of their wisdom.

Esther was a twenty-one year old cousin who had a daughter, Martha, and was pregnant when I left (but could have had her baby now!). I was always astonished when she would be lifting huge jerry cans of water on her head or giant pots of potatoes and bending over constantly, but in Africa about to have a baby I guess doesn’t stop women from working hard!   Her daughter Martha was a quiet doll, who was always watching everything, but shy in interacting.

Others in our compound (a mix of generations with different places to sleep and cook) were three children who were only present the first two days. But Ernest, my six year old cousin, always followed me and loved my watch and camera. I was sad I didn’t get to say goodbye. His sisters were also adorable, Eseza (2) and Esther (4).  A fifteen year old cousin was quiet but also a hard worker.

So, I stayed with them five days: farming, cooking, making gnut butter, enjoying tea time, and I even killed the chicken for supper!! Yep, uncle brian if you are reading this… I DID IT!!  On my first morning I was dressed for morning church and my mom asked, “Do you want to kill the chicken now?” I agreed with a chuckle (at the irony and out of fear) and grabbed my gloves. Picture this: I am dressed up for church with a dull knife sawing (literally) off the head of a pretty white hen!!!!! Crazy. So with my arm extended as far as possible, keeping a safe distance, I finished cutting the head off the chicken, while my cousin held her down. This is a cultural way in Iteso to honor the visitor- so my mama was SO happy that I did it. At supper, I wasn’t sure if I felt proud I ate what I killed or upset and grossed out that I saw what my food looked like first…. Hmmmmm…..

I helped Tata heap potatoes, weed potatoes, transplant potatoes, and harvest potatoes.  I made peanut butter (with what they call gnuts). First the shelled gnuts were roasted in a saucepan with sand, then I mashed them with a long stick, then I grinded it smooth on a grinding rock. It was SO cool to make organic peanut butter (like tjs)!!  it was hard work, and I have an even deeper appreciation for pb now when I eat it!

Other highlights were picking spinach leaves, making millet flour (even taking it to a granary), eating with my hands (culturally they use their hands to shovel their food, but it is NOT because they are too poor to afford silverware… they WANT to), smearing cow dung over a winnower (yep yep ), sitting and chatting on mats, and pumping water from a boar hole. One thing that was not so fun, but both a learning experience and another confirmation that life is short, was paying respects to a relative that died. We crammed into a truck and drove an hour, and immediately when the women got out they WAILED at the highest pitch and volume imaginable into a dark hut. I was shuffled in too, and just stared at the women yelling and crying next to the body of the dead man that lay in front of us. All the men stayed outside in chairs, and we, the women, joined them on mats nearby. (There are huge gender role stipulations and differences.)

Every day we did something different and I loved living like a hippie, completely organic in a hut, in the bush of Africa. I am inspired to have a garden now and live simply.  it was a HUGE learning experience and I was challenged in ways I never expected to be. Thank you God for such blessings and opportunities!

Lastly, our group traveled to a disintegrated IDP camp in Amuria district, where refugees have fled for safety from the LRA, the Karamajoung, and the recent floods. The conditions were awful, with families living in close-quarters and with maybe ten families to one latrine. Water and food are difficult to come by, and aid is either ill-proportioned or scarce. LAND: after living off the land for five days, I realized why hopelessness is rampant in the camps- because families can no longer work for their food with dignity nor have a place to raise a family. I hate to repeat myself, BUT: Africa is not what I expected it to be! It did not change my life (like I expected), but I did learn that sometimes when I want a great, personal story to tell or a wonderful experience to have, it is at the expense of the comfort of the people I am engaging (and I don’t want to be a part of “slum tourism”).

photos from the pearl of africa.

2007-10-24T01:24:00.000-07:00

uganda photos.

real life splash mountain.

2007-10-21T08:20:00.000-07:00

This weekend was a blast! I RAFTED THE NILE RIVER!! In africa!!

We rafted 30km up the Nile River, in class 3-5 rapids. J It was a crazy day. I almost cried in fear at some points, but I was brave- I swam with fishes, rafted class 5 rapids, saw more white foam then ever before. Thought my life might end. Body-surfed a class 5 rapid, after I was thrown from my raft, then floated down the Nile (and felt like baby moses!).

The feeling of knowing you are entering extreme waves and then you see the foaming crests! The anticipation of tipping or getting launched from the boat is awful!

Our raft was full of nine awesome people, and our team was called “So Wicked” (which our guide, Roberto, gave us). So before and after each rapid, we would put our paddles together and shout!! :) Before we really got going far, Roberto gave us a mini-lesson. We had to practice paddling, getting down and holding on (TIGHT!), falling out, swimming with our feet up in a small rapid, flipping the boat, and breathing under the boat. It was thoroughly frightening, but beneficial I am sure. Then we started…

…. And we come to a rapid called, Big Brother, which is our first CLASS 5 RAPID of the journey. As we were preparing to go, and Roberto was telling us everything we needed to know, we looked on the shore and there were swarms of red-tailed monkeys… everywhere!! :) But I was still almost crying before we started paddling to the rapid. Our raft was silent as we were rafting to our doom, it seemed. Then we started singing, “as we go on, we remember, all the times we had together…”- which is so morbid and depressing we realized! :) (my prayer: God make me brave!!) As soon as we went over the edge, we saw HUGE crests and flows of white water waves. AHHHHH!!!! The story according to the guide: we almost were out of the rapid, when we went too low down to clear the next crest. So our raft went perpendicular to the water and flipped upside down! The story according to me: I was a huge wave, then all of a sudden I was launched into the water. I think I blacked for a second, and then tried to remind myself to hold onto my vest, (don’t panic), count to seven, keep our feet up. It was a fast struggle, but not as bad as I imagined it to be! Then I body-surfed the next two or so pounding waves. I didn’t panic because I was trying so hard to keep my legs first and to merely survive. Then I followed the current (trying not to imagine what animals were below me in the deep deep water) for over ten minutes until I was taxied by a kayaker to my raft. Where I found that we flipped! :) For the anticipation that I was feeling before, it was SO not as bad as I imagined… actually it was REALLY fun and I just had to laugh out loud as I floated at how insane the whole situation was: flipping in a class 5 rapid on the Nile in Africa…. Wow!! :)

Throughout the rest of the trip, we never flipped again and I stayed in the boat, although we continued to go through class four and five rapids (there were some fives, but we took a “mild” ride, not “wild). We got an awesome lunch of SANDWICHES and even a lollipop break! (on the lunch island I saw a monitor lizard- sickeningly large and gross- alli you would have flipped!) :) Two more crazy stories include almost flipping over a rock into a class five waterfall that we were trying to avoid, and almost entering a dangerous class 6 rapid (called The Bad Spot) due to our pathetic paddling maybe! :) AHHH!! But then at the end our guide told us to jump out and we finished the rapid in the water. “SO WICKED!!!”

We rode in the back of the open air truck carrying the rafts. It was surreal to be on the dirt roads in the truck, like in the movies! :) This morning I woke to the sound of monkeys dancing on our tin roof and got another (#2) warm shower. And journaled overlooking the nile and a bunch of monkeys playing in the trees and running in the field. Amazing!!

Then I took a ton of pictures of my friends bungee jumping, in the safety boat for almost three hours. I made friends with the two nice boat guys: moses and Isaac.

What a fun trip! And exhausting! I love Africa and thought of many of you back home who would have loved to be here doing this (and who I would have loved your company of and would have felt brave with). Thank you God for great weather and no extreme sun burn and my roommate and especially for a safe trip rafting the nile. And for the beauty of your creation, especially sunsets over the nile! :) :)

.life in africa.

2007-10-19T08:54:00.000-07:00

Remember back when I went on that charity flood walk?! Well the story behind that was that I felt like the answer to my prayer for a volunteer agency in uganda may come from me attending it. And I think it may have!! When I was at the walk I was drawn to this mzungu woman (when we see white people, we feel at home… J) and we ended up talking for the majority of the walk and talking about why she was here. Tamara and her husband are working for a micro-finance program here and with a program called Life in Africa. I mentioned that I was looking for an organization to work with while I am here. She said, OH yah totally- my co-worker is looking for people to survey refugee families in an IDP camp outside Kampala. WHAT!! I immediately was stoked.

So I called her and set up a time to meet…

And today we traveled there (got lost, but it was okay), saw the center and met up with tamara and Christina and peter (who has five day old twin girls that we got to hold- precious!). it was so cool. Our job will be to ask the families questions and meet with them for like an hour or two.

Real questions. Real answers. Real life.

Then I was worried that I have no free time to do this work, although I really want to. And I talked to our intern who said I may be able to MAKE it my service project, instead of adding it on and also free up some time to go. I feel really excited about this AWESOME learning experience. J please pray for continued HUMILITY and guidance in this opportunity!!

ps. i am SO excited because i feel like everything has lined up for me to do this! :) (kinda like a swipe to save feeling!)

finally time and power to blog! :)

2007-10-19T08:39:00.000-07:00

hello to all back home who are reading this... greetings from Africa!

It has been awhile since I have blogged, I know. I have been busy nearly every night this week OR the power has been out when I have had time. We have reached the halfway mark of the semester yesterday, and feelings amongst the group are mixed. I still have so much more I want to do before I leave, and I love my roommate and friends here- so it will be painful to leave. BUT happily there is STILL HALF a semester yet, so there is no need to feel sad!

The picture posted is me in a town called Jinja, which is the Source of the Nile. It was beautiful! We had an Honors College Retreat there last weekend, which really helped to break the ice in our halls between UCU and USP students. I made an awesome friend named Rose, who lives on my hall. I really enjoy her, she is so wise and funny. We even have a special handshake / inside joke! :) At the retreat we were divided into groups and did Bible Studies and shared Testimonies within them. It was really cool to hear/ share our stories and also get different perspectives on the Bible. I am hoping to still join a Bible Study with some of them because I have really missed that dynamic of closeness and accountability.

POCAHONTAS comes to life! :)

Kimber and sarah and I shared a hut on the outskirts of the resort, it was cozy and beautiful! One afternoon I took our straw mat to do pilates in the open air. (Note: There is no fence or boundary surrounding the resort.) As I was doing pilates, the children were going to gather water from the Nile and passing on a trail that had an unfortunately good view of me on my mat. This one girl stopped and stared at me, I waved so she would leave, but she kept like hiding in the bushes, it had to be like three solid minutes, still watching me and starting at me… I felt like John Smith did in the movie, when all the natives hid and gawked at the white guy. I just had to laugh out loud because it was such an out of body experience!! But it was sufficiently awkward and got old really fast!! I must confess, sometimes I would hear them coming and pretend like I was sleeping so they would keep walking and not stare long! :)

On a more serious note, it is so humbling for me to hear close friends, and even my home stay family, express their need for school fees (which I think averages $200 a year). A friend came to visit me last night and said she was sent home because she needed to get her fees. She has not idea where she will get them or when. But despite how unfortunate it is, she still believes and trusts whole-heartedly that God will provide fees for her. WOW such faith! She is also inspiring because she has a heart full of love for Jesus and for suffering children. She has a dream to start an NGO for children all over the world, and I have seen her start putting feet to her dreams. She can’t even afford to go to school, yet she is so willing to give all to others… :) Please pray for her that she would continue to seek God’s specific guidance for the ministry, and for resources and planning to continue. She really has a vision for Trinity Global Child.

Life has been busy, and there seems to be no end in sight. We go rafting tomorrow (eek!) and rural home stays start next Friday. And when we return it will already be November. WOW! I miss all of you and thank you very much for all your prayers.

wonderful. lovely. blessed day.

2007-10-12T00:03:00.001-07:00

Beyond exhaustion and classes, my day went from okay to the BEST!

I reminded myself that I was here for Africa and experience, NOT good marks.

I felt comfortable at lunch, ate with some Kenyan friends and saw other friends in line… I actually felt like I was PART of the community!!

Thankfully our literature class started late and ended early… so kimber and I went to “study” at a canteen. I say “study” because we actually had a super wonderful conversation for like an hour about life, instead of our mounds of reading…. J

THEN we were asked to babysit for our professor, Rev. Button at eight.

So after dinner (posho beans and rice of course) our night became even more LOVELY!

The children were adorable (blondies with English accents) and we only had to read a bedtime story and put them to bed, then we were free to hang out.

Note: Sarah went to kampala and brought back cinnamon raisin bagels… so we toasted them. And Kimberlee bought a pineapple. PLUS we had delicious tea and coffee. J

Payment for babysitting is simple here: access to steaming hot showers and free reign of the kitchen and capability to relax on a couch while watching a movie not on a laptop!!

It was my first steaming hot shower in two months. such a blessing!! :) i was SO grateful!!
Kimber and i just looked at the shower and exclaimed: "there are TWO knobs!"

It was all just too good to be true!

Praise the Lord for a day chalk full of blessings.

I feel like I am rambling petty details, but my happiness is found in and because of these petty details. J

independence day. in uganda.

2007-10-12T00:01:00.001-07:00

A joyous occasion.

A start to a wonderful morning were the "yogurt-banana-wheatabix” parfaits sar, kimber, and i created.

Bliss.

Then we went to an African FAIR!!

I felt like I was back in cali at the end of august, at the state fair.

There were exhibits, carnival rides, over-priced food, crowds, loud music and shopping.

I even had vanilla soft-serve ice cream and a hotdog (I know crazy… but I am in a fair in Africa and I only live this moment once!!... it was fabulous by the way! J)!!!

love. love . love

2007-10-11T23:59:00.000-07:00

I LOVE AFRICA.

Independence Day, Tuesday, was the first day I could say that whole-heartedly.

Everyone has a countdown calendar, but not me.

Am I living in a fairytale?

I am even content to up with 4” grasshoppers in my shower and geckos by the toilets!!

Already devastated about leaving,

But joyful for a passionate place in my heart!

what i am learning. wrap up of primal vision.

2007-10-07T23:01:00.000-07:00

Here is a summary of what I have been learning in my classes. There are some high points in bold, but if you want you can read all my thoughts (i am warning you that it's long!) ...

......

The book is by John V. Taylor (have you heard of him), Primal Vision. It talks about African Christianity, so lots of my faith has been challenged because it differs so much from Western Christianity. Questions like: Is there a Christian faith without culture?

If cultures are created by God, do we need to redefine them to fit the Western view of Christianity? Basically, does God shape culture or is Christianity shaped by culture? And the repercussions of these questions, and a lot of the book, bring up issues of salvation (is it necessary to know the name of Jesus; personal/ tribe or family decision), sin (is the OT and Ten Commandments relevant to all cultures or does it manifest differently according to culture; what about polygamy?), prayer (Africans speak/pray to ancestors because it continues community of tribe and because they are closer to God). Overall it was a really eye-opening book that I really enjoyed grappling with.

But to bring in Abide in Christ… Jesus transcended, meaning that He became like man/ suffered/ PARTICIPATED with people. In Africa the Descartes theory, “I think therefore I am” translates to “I participate therefore I am” (Taylor, 27) or “I am because we are.” Therefore belief is an action not just a thought. Faith is acted out, not simply a confession. I have wanted to intellectually wrap my mind around Jesus and Faith, but by this I felt assurance that my actions speak louder than my words (or thoughts). This links with abiding in Christ, because the life of faith is not a one-time decision, but PARTICIPATION with Christ, acted out in relationships with others, for all of life. Dietrich Bonhoeffer says, “Jesus exists only for other people… Our relationship to God is not a ‘religious’ one to the highest- that is not transcendence- but our relationship to God is a new life in ‘existence for others’, in participation in the being of Jesus” (Taylor, 58). I have been thinking a lot about relationship versus religion this semester, and realized one day that when I get to heaven I will not be in a “religion” with God, but a RELATIONSHIP with Him through the blood of Christ. His redemption has made it possible for me to be in a relationship.

“I am in Christ: This simple thought, carefully, prayerfully, believingly uttered, removes the fear that there is yet some great attainment to be reached” (Murray, 38).

“I am the Vine… He really will be to you ALL that a vine can be- holding you fast, nourishing you, and making Himself responsible every moment for your growth and your fruit” (Murray, 37).

“Our part is simply to yield, to trust, and to wait for what He has promised to perform” (Murray, 25).

Taylor devotes an entire chapter to PRESENCE. He says, “A Christian, whoever he may be, who stands in that world in the name of Christ, has nothing to offer unless he offers to be present, really and totally present, really and totally IN the present” (Taylor, 136). I have seen the outflow of this belief in the African culture. For example, a visitor is never an interruption to anyone. “Whether he is a child or adult makes no difference; one can enjoy the other’s presence without fuss or pressure, in conversation or in silence as the mood dictates” (Taylor, 3). Relationship over efficiency, again!! God is always present for all of His creation, and He showed this through Jesus’ Incarnation. Therefore we should follow His example of presence, in “MISSIONS” and our daily life.

Christ comes INTERNALLY into culture, not EXTERNALLY. He meets people and cultures where they are at. “Either He is the Lord of all possible worlds and of all human cultures, or He is Lord of one world and one culture only… From within their own culture He challenged their strength and judged their wisdom. He turned their world upside down, just as He had turned Judaism [diet and Council of Jerusalem] upside down” (Taylor, 74). So, Jesus transcends and participates with each culture individually. He uses Acts 2:7-11 about the Pentecost, “How is it that each of us can hear them in his own native language?” He also quotes Paul in his letter to the Corinthians about how he became a Jew to win the Jews (1 Corinthians 10:19-22). Not universalism- the name of Jesus is important and belief in His death and resurrection is still significant. God meets culture. (Yes, but how far, what about sin and lifestyle… hmmm for me still!!)

.......

I love you all and let me know what you think of all this. I would LOVE a good discussion. Feel free to point out truths and untruths that you see… :)

ps. i know its really long, but i didn't know how else to post it as a link, i apologize.

laundry day.

2007-10-06T02:13:00.001-07:00

laundry. laundry. laundry.
what a process.
soak. scrub. rinse. rinse. ring dry. hang on the line. [watch for rain clouds.] iron.

i used to hate it, but i am learning to enjoy it now.
just this week i was hanging out my clothes and saw a monkey not twenty feet from me.
i savor moments like these.
what a joy to be in africa at times like these.

:)

CURRENT NEWS in uganda: FLOODING.

2007-10-06T02:09:00.000-07:00

CURRENT NEWS in uganda is major, major flooding in Northern and Eastern Uganda for the past two weeks. Thousands of people have been displaced from their homes, some cannot even retreat without airplanes or a boat. of some kind. Their farming has been wiped-out and destroyed, especially their cassava (an edible root) and ground nuts (which really are a family's diet). and their toilets have been flooded and are now overflowing. which means that disease is rampant and starvation is equally devastating. president museveni issued a state of emergency for those districts last week.

yesterday there was a "charity walk for the flood affected areas".
i went with some other students from ucu and it was awesome to be a part of something happening in uganda, IN uganda. we marched through the town and raised money to be sent to the districts that have an urgent need for assistance- all sectors need help: food, medical, counseling, etc. after we marched we sat and listened to MPs (members of parliment) and other "majesty's" address the problem and offer compassion and mercy. the president also spoke, which i didn't stay for. but i guess he quoted a tribal proverb that was like "if life gives you lemons, make lemonade," but in english it translated to "if your mother drowns, make soup from the water." strange. and he also said the problem was the bridges, and that not a lot of people died. he said if the bridges were better than it wouldn't have been such a problem. i don't know about him... anyways it was an eventful day in kampala.

.....................................................................

for me the day was eventful as well. :)
african time was of course present in our after eight departure instead of seven... i actually left to get my own matatu (taxi) with a couple girls. then when we got there we had to go through this metal detector. and they wouldn't let anyone bring a camera... which we ALL had pretty much brought. sweet. NOT! the police shooed us away and told us to bring them home... which is like an hour away. craziest thing is that our friend will tried to go through after with his camera and then realized that he still had it in his pocket. they asked him to show what he had and he realized he had lied and panicked. so he backed up and said he wasn't going through anymore... it was so suspicious!! they totally thought he had a gun or something which they were NOT okay with... i was like "will just show him the camera..." thankfully they left him go then. don't mess with the ugandan police, they all have ak47s!! :(

irony: after giving up our cameras to someone, we walked the streets which meant TONS of people never even saw a metal detector and the area where the dignitaries spoke could have easily had a USEFUL metal detector check... that's uganda for ya! :)

during the walk i met a really awesome mzungu (which literally means "white person") named tamara. she is working with micro-finance here in kampala with her husband (and she's a believer too). we exchanged numbers and she said i could possibly volunteer to survey families staying in a local IDP camp near kampala. i am SOOO excited. i wouldn't just be a consumer-tourist, but i could actually converse with the acholi people!! :) :) just this past week i have been asking what my purpose is here, and where i can get involved for uganda. thank you God for showing me a potential direction!

also i was thinking about swipe to save and hoping that maybe we can find a good organization to send aid to these flooded regions. it was overall a very purposed time and i felt excited to start thinking creatively how i can offer my time and energy to help uganda!! :)

...........................................

prayers:
.. the forecast has more rain coming, which means more flooding. pray for the people who may be displaced and for adequate aid to arrive to help their food and medical needs.
.. personal direction for where God wants to use me while i a here. And even plans for after I leave this semester.

friends. sar.me.kimber. long-car-ride-fun.

2007-10-06T01:34:00.001-07:00

what... internet... WOO-HOO!!

2007-10-06T01:28:00.000-07:00

oh my goodness!!
i can't believe it... i am writing this blog on my OWN computer!
the internet works... major praise.
AND it was on a day when i needed my spirits lifted and this helped so much! :)
thanks for all your prayers for me.
i will post more pics and details later... because i CAN now!! :)

mac and cheese: congealed style!

2007-09-28T00:06:00.000-07:00

on wednesday night i cooked macaroni and cheese for my family over a campfire-esque stove and mostly in the dark! it was an experience, but my family said they enjoyed it...

the menu: mac and cheese, with warmed bread and blue band butter, with banana boats for desert, and coke/ pineapple juice!!

after i boiled the macaroni everything got really hectic. the cheese sauce cooked really fast and the meal was done, but my whole family wasn't there. and the cheese congealed REALLY FAST. so i tried to like "mingle" (stir) it with these spoons and keep it warm at the same time, but it was pretty cold by the time everyone ate. oh well, they liked it (they said)!

i also made banana boats which were everyone's favorite, including mine!! oh and a cockroach flew into my face as i was making them, that was fun... grr! :)
it was an experience, and luckily they had never had mac and cheese before because it really didn't taste like the kraft stuff at home... oh well, a little taste of america is always nice once in a while, even if it is a little off! :)

i am wrapping up my homestay tonight and am really going to miss the family aspect of living here. but i am also looking forward to having LIGHT and my nights free for hw and hanging out with friends! hopefully i will get to visit often... i will miss them SO much! :)

YAY! I'm at an internet cafe

2007-09-26T19:26:00.000-07:00

well i am finally getting internet long enough to post a blog... YAY!

this past week and a half i have been enjoying my homestay family a lot. i am learning to cook some new kinds of food (that i will let you try hopefully at home), and learning their language some, and i think i am finally adapting to their way of life. i find myself switching into "ugandan" mode a lot with the words i use and the tone of my voice, i am sure you would all laugh at me! :)

it has been an eye-opening experience to live in a family that is so poor and lives day-to-day. as i said last time, my mom works very hard as a cleaner at ucu. she sweeps classrooms and supports her family off of that income. i had a great talk with her on saturday about her testimony. she has such a strong faith in God and says she would not be where she is today without her prayers. to me it seems like she should doubt God because of everything she has been through and the struggles she has had to simply EAT. but she is grateful that everything has not been taken from her and that she has the job at the university. it is SO humbling.

it is also amazing to live so simply. i feel so grateful for the food i am given now because i know that it was not easy to put it on the table... and it is great to hear my mom say something like "praise God" everytime she finshes supper. :)

"african time"
on saturday i had a true experience with this concept. we were meeting my mom's sisters to go to their village, and were supposed to meet them at 10 am. all day we anticiapted their arrival... and i thought for sure they would never come. but right before 5 PM they finally came and we left. WOW!!!

my week hasn't been too exciting or different, but i am just still enjoying my friendships, learning ugandan, cooking with my host family, and am even adjusting to the bugs...
okay, after sunday that is...
sunday was a rough day and i think i would label it "homestay culture shock phase two".
i was feeling weak after church and on the way home bought an apple (even though it was expensive i felt irritated and uncomfortable maybe--- so i sought comfort in my apple).
after washing it with hand sanitizer and water :), i ate it in my room, so i didn't gloat my apple to my family.
during my enjoyment and de-stress period, what did i have to see but a rat, a RAT.
of all the things that i didn't need that day, it was the rat that came in my room and went under my feet.
then after rushing through my apple (bummed i couldn't enjoy it longer) i fled the room.
and realized there were cockrocahes there too...
so i slept in my sleeping bag for more protection now. :)
after my irritated day was over, i realized that i need humility in so many ways.
it is such a power struggle, when i know i am capable of things and my family doubts me.
(example: i was asked on sunday if i had ever walked barefoot before? or how i knew how to wash the dishes? or that i shouldn't walk 50 feet in the dark because i might fall)
but i am trying to remind myself that they just care about me and i should let them help me!
so if you think of it this week, please pray that i would be a "humble learner".

today on my way to class, from reading, a MONKEY crossed my path.
it was huge and had a long red tail. i was so excited!
it was the first time i saw one on campus!
it was a "i am STILL in africa moment"

tonight i am making mac and cheese (and banana boats!) for my family, over a campfire stove...
so i am praying everything works out and it tastes good!
i will keep you posted! :)

that was quite a random blog entry...
some prayer requests:
. that i would know my purpose in being here and what i am called to DO with all that i have seen and learned.
. for humility this week with my family
. for the thousands of people who are being evacuated and displaced in N. and E. Uganda due to horirble flooding.
. for maintating a RELATIONSHIP and not a religion with Jesus, and strengthening my faith!
thanks!

ps: an akward-"still-in-africa-moment"-with-the-bucket, story: it was time for bed and my mom was still in our room, so i was waiting to get in bed until i used the bucket (when she was gone or asleep). she asked me what i was waiting for and i asked if i coudl use the bucket... hoping she would leave for a minute. Oh, NO NO. she not only stayed in the room, she continued talking with me... eek!! i chuckled aloud to myself, what else could i do?! :)

i am definitely in africa

2007-09-18T17:33:00.000-07:00

homestays:
i am now living in an awesome home for two weeks in mukono.
my home is very close to campus, only about a fifteen minute walk back to my room. And I get to walk with by brothers and sisters to school… unbeatable!
i love my family (but don’t worry parents, i love you more!).

i got dropped off, literally, in front of this house that had a small door and no windows. i walked into the darkness and there were children! (yay for brothers and sisters!) then my mom came home from the school and she had a bag of mushrooms. so we sat on the floor and picked off the bottoms that were mud-filled. we were to eat them in a sauce later… okay, lets do it!

it wasn’t until the evening that i saw the rest of the house, because i was a guest i think- they waited on me and treated me like royalty (even today i have to insist on helping and taking care of myself!). the rest of the house isn’t too much. they have two more rooms. behind the sitting room/ dining room there is a room with a tri-bunk bed and a table with cooking utensils on it. there is a side door that allows for light and leads to the outside where there is a shanty for cooking under. continuing through the rooms, after the children’s bedroom/kitchen/ storage, there is another room with more stuff and two beds. i sleep in the back and share a room with my mother.

i preferenced beforehand to be alone, with children, and rustic- of which i got all three!! there is no running water or electricity, and they cook their meals outside over a fire! awesome!!
its crazy, but i love it!
i just laugh so much
and smile constantly!

my ugandan family:

my mom is a worker at ucu and cleans the classrooms sometimes at night and sometimes in the early morning. she is very kind and has told me a lot about her family and how she has managed to provide for them throughout the years. praise god because without his strength and provisions, they may not have enough everyday.

my eldest sister is irene, she is 17 years old. i met her yesterday and she is very talkative. she is very sweet and we talked by lantern last night for a long time.

gerad is fifteen and left for boarding school (until december) on sunday- i felt so emotional that he was leaving for so long (but it seemed understood in the family so no one else showed sadness). he was quiet but had a great smile and i am sad that i won’t get to know him more.

jeremiah is “head cook” and is only thirteen. this guy rocks! he has been the cook for the family since he was ten and is so mature and responsible. he is going to teach me how to make everything… on top of cooking he also goes to school (from 6:30-6:30 everyday… crazy!).

now for sweet princess phionah (patience)… she is my sweetheart little sister, who is eight. she has a shaved head and missing front teeth, and a gorgeous smile. she tells me she loves me and lets me run errands with her. we made necklaces the first evening and she put “aim” beads on hers… love!

my teddy bear andy is my little brother, who is almost seven. adorable little guy who doesn’t speak very much english. but i tickle him and he loves it. we also love to make monkey faces and laugh together (phionah too). i can’t get enough of how cute this kids is, especially in his school uniform (with a little tie too)… 

there is also a girl named winnie who stays nearby and is kinda family. she is nineteen and will only be home for school on the weekends. she has an awesome heart for the hungry, poor, and injustice. she even has dreams for opening an NGO to help orphans… please pray for her as she continues to plan and trust god!

that’s the family…

now for a funny story. or two.

the first evening before we were going to bed, i asked if i could go to the toilet (which is kinda far outside). my mom looked at me and sincerely asked “do you mind the bucket?” taken aback, i was like, “sure that’s fine…” okay, whatever, just use the bucket!?!!?! laughing at how ridiculous it seemed she let me have space and i used the bucket… laughing the whole time… crazy!!  it was a i am def in africa moment!

a bug story.
the first night we were in the sitting room and little andy fell asleep and i saw cockroaches on the wall, then one walked across his face! are you serious…
then last night i was up talking to irene in my room and i saw something fly by. i was like oh, that’s a bat. my sister said, no that’s a cockroach. i was like okay then, whatever it won’t hurt me… continued talking… then this “cockroach” flew onto my bug tent… only it wasn’t a cockroach it was a baby bat! sick. sick. sick. i was freaked out and hid my face. my brave sister laughed and shooed it away. let’s just say that i was not as calm the rest of our conversation! but i was brave… yet soo grateful for my bug net!!

so despite the bugs, which i must say i am okay with for the most part – it’s so dark i can’t see them anyways!- i love my house.

i can’t believe i am so blessed to live like the majority of ugandans and “rough” it with sponge baths, pit toilets, cooking over a fire, and seeing by lanterns.

i laugh a lot and am grateful always.
especially when my little brother and sister curl up next to me on the couch and we cuddle… precious. unforgettable.

a brief recognition of culture shock phase TWO

2007-09-11T01:12:00.000-07:00

a journal entry... (feel free to laugh out loud, that's why i included it!)

so i am in a guest house in kigali.
with not towels. and geckos.
wearing the same sweatshirt everyday
and clothes for the second or third time!
i didn't even bring bug spray to africa!
really aimee? WOW!
plus i have no pants or shorts, even at night my nightgown makes me vulnerable... to bugs!
bugs. geckos. centipedes. NO bed net. :(

Lord, keep me strong tonight.
and oh ya, i think i smell... welcome to africa!
You are going to stretch me.
i am already uncomfortable.

laughs. cries. smiles. tears.
this semester will contain them all!

(that night sar and i laughed ourself to sleep, because if we didn't we might scream! and don't worry, i am dealing a lot better with all the culture shock now!! :) )

AFRICAN RAIN SHOWER. literally.

2007-09-11T01:06:00.000-07:00

we arrived at lake bunyoni, aka. the most gorgeous lake ever! it was a windy dit road through lucious forest that then came upon a lake surrounded by tall vibrant green mountains with small houses/ tents around it. the lake itself was mirror-blue with canoes and an island.

the moment we arrived it started raining, then pouring. me, kimber, sar, and dana all got into our swimsuits and washed our hair in rainwater from an african thunderstorm at a resort lake in the mountains! :) amazing!!

so freezing. so cleansing. so a once-in-a-lifetime expereince!

now we are sitting on our porch listening to the rain clank and drip on our tin roof and watch it glide oer the edge in between us adn a view of the lake. the thunder is tumultous and outrageously loud following flashing bolts of lightning across the whole sky. i love it! i feel so blessed!

recollections from rwanda

2007-09-11T01:02:00.000-07:00

I am back from my 10-day trip to Rwanda. It was awesome, difficult, a blessing, and fun! I am glad to be back in Uganda, where we have a semi-routine, although we are leaving for home stays this Friday! J I will try to sum up what I saw and learned in Rwanda, but there was SO much that I can only try to give you a small piece of what occurred there….

When we left early last Saturday morning I had butterflies in my tummy.
The night before when we were supposed to cram everything into a tiny backpack, there was a power outage for most of the night!!
Thankfully by the grace of God we had a small amount of electricity and were able to SEE what we were packing…
Our drive was about eight hours, across the equator and into Rwanda.

What a difference between Rwanda and Uganda (see my blog for my comparison list!)

The trip was AWESOME in so many ways.
It was a great chance for all of the American usp students to bond!
I feel like I can integrate into the ucu community much more confidently now that I have formed good friendships and am comfortable that I am supported here!

I can’t believe all the cool people that I was able to meet and the places I was able to go!
What a BLESSING!!
I went across the equator; was welcomed into a rural church in kibungo; met the Bishop of Gahini (where the East Africa Revival began); visited the national genocide museum in kigali and a memorial site of a school massacre outside Butarre; went to a lecture at the national university of Rwanda; listened to the stories of two genocide survivors who had amazing testimonies and even ate dinner with one; went to awesome ministries like an orphanage, a women’s center, and a missionary business called “cards for Africa;” heard from lawyers from the gacaca process (of reconciliation post-genocide); and lastly the mufti of Rwanda about inter-faith dialogue. WOW!
I never would have learned so much nor had such amazing contacts if I had not come as a student… I felt so blessed to have such opportunities.

The trip was DIFFICUILT in that I stopped feeling ecstatic about being in Africa, and realized that it was to be my daily life for four whole months. The laundry, clothes, food, and bugs weren’t going away anytime soon! J I felt homesick a lot, especially when I felt most out of my comfort zone. I miss my family… I love each of you… more than I thought I did!! J honestly, one of the hardest personal (and yet most insignificant and lame) struggles that I had was with how much I wish I had packed to Uganda and especially Rwanda. I had only three skirts and three shirts for ten days… and did no laundry. My clothes were awful and dirty (actually my roomie and I did laundry tonight and we saw the BROWN water!), it was very easy to start complaining and fantasizing about food or clothes that I wanted from home. But I realized that I consciously had to hold my tongue… because how selfish is it to think so much about myself in light of what I was learning and seeing.

The trip was FUN because I got to hang out with forty awesome people. And I formed some really great friendships. I got especially close to Sarah and Kimberly (my roomie), and we shared lots of good laughs and conversations. “11 touches”- it is psychologically proven that it is necessary to have 11 physical touches from people in one day to be right in the head J … before I was lacking this, but many girls filled that gap for me this week!! From sharing a bed with someone to simply getting a hug, or a sweet back rub, it was very great!! Plus shower times… always a way to bond… washing each others hair and taking swimsuit showers in an african thunderstorm. BONDING!! J

i love you all. and would love to hear from you, although it is sometimes hard to reply!! :)
God Bless!

traveling to rwanda

2007-08-31T02:23:00.000-07:00

i am leaving for rwanda tomorrow, for over a week.
it is supposed to be very emotional, if you know anything about the genocide, we will see lots of post peace and memorials.
i love all of you.
please continue to pray for relationships to form that are godly, and for adjustment into this culture and place.

thanks all.
i will post pics as soon as i can!
love aimee

expectations vs. dreams

2007-08-29T13:02:00.000-07:00

everyone knows the devastation of broken expectations.
and everyone tries to avoid setting themselves up for disappointments by not allowing themselves to expect anything.
but i would like to meet someone who has been successful at that.
it is impossible (at least for me) to go into a situation tabula rosa.
tv clips. conversations. pictures. classes. all these leave an imprint on your mind, even if you don't know it or want it there.

implicit and explicit expectations.
i tried my hardest not to have expectations, which wasn't entirely difficult on a specific basis (since i knew hardly anything about the trip), but i found that i had many.
you don't realize what expectations you had, until it is not met.
and in creeps the disappointment. failure feeling. and frustration.

we had a talk about these and i just wrote a paper about mine.
it was very helpful to identify them so that i can recognize that they may happen and God may have different plans. :)
also tonight my friend sarah talked about a "dream"
and that frame of mind is what i believe should be taken instead of creating an expectation of any situation (because who can honestly know what to expect!).
to have a dream is different than having an expectation.
because a dream is a hope or desire, that you wish to be fulfilled but are not counting on it or thinking it will complete your life.
an expectation on the other hand is something that you think will happen and assume that it will happen. so much so that when it doesn't you don't know how to feel or react.

it was a very enlightening though process for me.
as many of you know i can become very disappointed when an expected thing fails ot happen.
praise God!

explicit expectations for uganda:
to make friends with USP students
to grow in my relationship with God and concrete my faith
to know God's will for my life after this trip

i think now that those are dreams and hopes for my stay here.
but they cannot realistically be expectations because i have NO idea what God has me here for or what HE wants to do in me or through me.

implicit expectations (the ones you never knew existed until they are uncomfortable or different)
uganda (southern uganda to be specific) is not a destitute or hopeless country
kampala and mukono are not like the villages you see in Invisible Children
the people are not native, they are just like us in so many ways!

expectations can make or break anything, even my semester, so i am thankful that i have at least recognized the change in thought that needs to occur, and pray that i can APPLY this everyday so that i can have an open mind for what God has in store for me!

ucu.

2007-08-27T12:43:00.000-07:00

i am now on the campus of UCU.
my roommate is ironically the same girl that i roomed with in kampala... kimberly. :)
she is awesome and thank you all so much for your prayers for putting me with a special one!

wow.
the campus is BEAUTIFUL!
there are rolling hils and flowers. and brick building!
it seems like a little town full of Christians because there is a church, 4 cafes, houses, etc.
i keep having to remind myself that i am in africa.

today however, was the first day that i finally felt like the MINORITY!
we went to the town of mukono on a scavenger hunt looking for the essentials...
toilet paper (BLUE!)
soap
gum boots (rain boots... yay for puddle stomping!)
and mmore.
everyone looked at us and some honked and waved and def stared.
my favorite part was when we went to the market behind the main roads
because it was exactly how i would have pictured africa.
i love the feeling... but again we were the minority
and there were funky things for sale, like raw meat or gizzards with flys... gross!! :)

rain comes suddenly and HARD!
we were having class in a tin roof classroom and had to leave the class because it was too loud to hear anything! :)
puddle jumping to come very soon!

the food.
breakfast: sweet potatoes and tea
lunch: rice and beans with a purple peanut sauce and today there was beef and corn malt meal stuff
and sometimes sweet potatos and cassava (which is a starchy root... i am eating a root! crazy! :) )
dinner: rice and beans wiht a purple peanut sauce
and tea time at least once a day, in the morning! it is awesome to just break to sit and talk!
and soda in glass bottles is a semi-staple!
i love the food.
good thing i like rice and beans a lot. :)

tonight four of us cut one girls hair really short.
kimberly my roomie did a really good job!
it was so funny because none of us knew what we were doing
we just held pieces up and chopped!!
"thankfully curly hair is forgiving!"
it was tons of fun and a really random, college dorm thing to do!

mosquito nets.
i feel like a princess. protected. secure.
but it is also weird because you feel like a mummy.
when i got up for the bathroom, i didn't let myself look around too much
in fear of finding a gecko or a bug near my bed!
eek!!
thankfully, i have not seen too many.
although, i did kill a cokroach! :)

we are going to rwanda on saturday, so i am not sure when i will write again.
but i am having tons of fun.
i love sarah my friend. i am excited to become better friends these four months! :)

love love love.
aimee

uganda. first two days!

2007-08-25T11:24:00.000-07:00

hello all!
i am safely in uganda. but beyond this i don't know where to even begin....
the smells and the sights and the food are all AMAZING!
i keep having to remind myself that i am actually in uganda. :)

i didn't expect to email this soon. so here is a brief synopsis of my time here so far!

after 21 hours of flying and meeting 37 awesome people we are in kampala.
last night was rough because although i was exhausted, i could not fall asleep.
i was sleeping under a mosquito net.
but i think it was the time difference and the overwhelmingness of the day hitting me.
i missed you mommy! :)

this morning i woke early (suprisingly) and sat on the veranda with my Bible and the warmth of the sun hitting me!
it was wonderful!
then to top that i off, i got a HOT shower! :) YAY!
(let me tell you- i was is great need of it after all that traveling)
we are sleeping in a guest house that overlooks kampala and lake victoria.
it is beautiful.

everyone ate breakfast and TEA.
then we sat under a straw hut and had our first USP session.
we broke into groups and were able to share why we were here.
very cool!
then we had a tea break.
tea. tea. tea.

i think i am going to like tea!
we drink it at least two times a day!
it hit me later today that the small headache i had was from all the caffeine.
:)
finally, i WILL be a tea drinker! :)

later we went to the tombs of Buganda's kings.
and to the city.

my first impressions of africa are that it is similar to mexico.
def not the same, but similar.
we drive on the other side of the street.
and cars don't stop for you.
it's crazy!
no lines either... (isp no lines song... :)

i am so excited for all the people i have met already!
everyone is so sweet. genuine. and passionate about trying new things and Africa.
seriously, i feel SO blessed!
right now we are all on the internet listening to awesome worship songs being played by people.
and everyone is just singing along.
it is very beautiful!

i sat next to sarah and jason on the plane rides.
sarah has a nikon d40 so we are buddies for sure! :)
i have an awesome roommate for these two days named kimberly.
she is very cool and we both like to journal a lot.
i have also made a dear friend already, named sarah horvath (there are FOUR sarah's!)
we hang out a lot. but still try to branch off to others too.
we have a mutual agreement of our friendship which is so awesome.
and relaxing. and refreshing.

funny story today sarah and i got ice cream in town.
and the minute she licked it, it went SPLAT!
right on the interns foot and on the floor of the restaurant. hehehehe
it was so sad.
so in the picture posted on picasa (sign in as visitor if it asks you)it explains why her ice cream cone looks so pathetically empty!
fun times! :)

i feel blessed already to be with such cool people!
and the program seems to be very cool.

we are heading to UCU tomorrow.
and we are getting our roommates for the semester.
i am excited. but also nervous.
please pray that i would be placed with who God puts me with.
and that i would be content and okay with whoever it is!

sorry if this email is very scattered. it is very hard to concentrate and connect my thoughts.
most importantly... i am safe. and loving it!!

please pray:
that i would not have any expectations. but would experience everyday with an open mind.
for my roommate.
for relationships to form or disintegrate based on who God has me be friends with.
for me to meet God everyday. and of course to have my faith strengthened and q's answered.
that i could sleep tonight!
also, that i would remember to use sunscreen regularly... i am already a little burned!
and PRAISE that i already have some good friends and feel pretty connected! :)

i love you all.
and hope you are doing well!

love aimee

a few pictures:
http://picasaweb.google.com/aimeejane44/UgandaUploadOne

sushi night. and flogging.

2007-07-25T10:20:00.000-07:00

awesome night last night.
sarah and i planned a sushi night.
complete with cranes and paper lanterns.
sitting on the ground with cushions.
and of course chop sticks!

we invited grandma and grandpa (who got the royalty seating),
john (aka buck) and tabbi.
everyone was such good sports about everything culturally ethnic that we made them try!

grandma and grandpa even ate with chopsticks and didn't ask for a fork!! love ya guys!

:) thanks everyone for making the night spectacular.

the sushi was easy to make and i am going to try again at home.
california rolls with veggies, avocado, and imitation crab.
delicious!

.........................................................

then with full bellies we boarded uncle brian's truck.
we held on to the car and each other as he off roaded through the desert.

flogging... standing up in teh back of a truck, while the driver goes at top speeds and you try to hold on

it was fun.
although sarah can testify that i have bruises in crazy places! :)

we watched the sun set on the mountains and the clouds made it gorgeous!
everyone helped me take pictures and would let us stop (there ideas even!) and i would point and click, point and click.... :)

FUN TIMES!! :)

family campout. wishon village. 2007

2007-07-25T10:16:00.000-07:00

our fourteenth family camp out.
despite long windy roads to get there, it was beautiful and the weather was perfect.
we went to a tea party.
to courtright lake and big trees forest.
and then to huntington lake to inner tube.
and of course celebrated national ice cream day.

i took nearly 700 pictures, so if you see a scowl on anyone's face just know they are normally very kind people, but when there was a camera girl documenting every moment they just got a little annoyed! :)

(any pictures with me in them... photo courtesy to one of my awesome family members)

check out the pictures...

happy birthday julie party.

2007-07-19T23:14:00.001-07:00

happy birthday to you.
happy birthday to you.
happy birthday dearest julie.
happy birthday to you.

double-double digits for jules tomorrow.
so we celebrated with the pups!
take a look....

happy birthday julie. party.

downtown. rivercats game!!

2007-07-18T14:08:00.000-07:00

it's been SO long since i got to upload pics, but i finally got time!!

on sunday my family went to a rivercats game with our church, and had lots of fun with the hawkins family. :) we are not baseball people, sorry bry i hardly watched any of it....

al and i went downtown on the light rail early and were "urban." we walked and shopped and talked. it was fun!

want bigger pics? or the whole album?... click on the slideshow!!
.................................................................................

church on sunday was really good. a guy named chuck neighbor did a drama skit and the message was "In His Steps- What Would Jesus Do?" it was very powerful for me, but after it was over i got sad because there were so many people who did not seem to agree. so many seemed apathetic to the horrendous lives others face around us everyday. his message was about the poor and hungry around us. and a challenge not to ignore it or turn our backs to it, but to do as Jesus would do
and help them,
feed them,
love them.

that is so my heart.

as i work in juvenile hall more i see (again, after ukraine), the evil of this world and how much they need Jesus. and His love. but how are they ever going to see it if we as Christians never show them a physical example of His love?!

"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul
and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment.
And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"
Matt 22:36-39

I know God can work in powerful ways without our help, but He has still called us to be His vessels of light and show others love. so the challenge was to do nothing without first asking what Jesus would do in the situation. i am trying to remember to ask Him before i act; i am not perfect, but He is.

God, You keep putting the needy people in front of my face. and breaking my heart. i keep working with the "hard" kids and i love it. it breaks my heart, but i still absolutely love it. why do You keep putting these kids into my life (i mean how cool is it that i got to work in lock down juvenile hall?!)?? not many people get these opportunities. nor do they enjoy it! what is Your purpose in all this? please show me Your will for my life!!!!

keep breaking my heart for the lost, and remind me to pray.
show me who You are more everyday. please. sometimes i am just confused and unsure... make Your reality clearer to me everyday and don't let my mind be muddled by the enemy.

thank You so much!

aj.

"many people don't do anything, because they can't do everything"
-BUT we can never do it all and only God can. the poor will always be with us the Bible says...

"There will always be poor people in the land.
Therefore I command you to be openhanded toward your brothers
and toward the poor and needy in your land"
Deut 15:11

car washing!!

2007-07-13T16:56:00.000-07:00

the rain totally dirtied our cars, so we got to have a car wash last night . . . me. my mom. and my dad.
.
like usual dad always does the most work, thanks daddy!!! :)
.
oh yah, ps. my parents took the pics of me! (good job parents!)

jules. jump. click. click. click.

2007-07-12T19:08:00.000-07:00

color. bright. bold. contrast. my favs.

2007-07-12T18:25:00.000-07:00

God is SO creative!!

2007-07-12T18:01:00.001-07:00

as i took pictures yesterday and walked around in God's beautiful creation, i realized:

how creative God must be if He created such creative people.

and because i recognized the individuality of all people!

especially as i walked around sausalito (which is an adorable town with a great view of sf and tons of galleries and artsy shops), i realized how creative people are... which made me realize how creative God is!! :)

as julie and i drove ... she sang and i listened

everyone is trying to be individualistic, but they are already completely individual.

it seems that as people try to be individuals these days, they conform to the same image of "individualism". . . and i fall into that too . . . the dress or clothes or hairstlye that supposedly tells the world that you are an individual . . . :)

me myself have recognized that desire in my own heart to be "cool" or "a cool individualistic person" . . . which seems to defeat the purpose of individualism . . . and i pray that i can be exactly who God has created me to be. in how i take pictures. in how i dress. to be so comfortable in who He has created me that i stop comparing and conforming to "individualism".

i also pray that God would show me how i can use photography to glorify Him and give me purpose in something i absolutely LOVE to do.

i praise You, Jesus, because you are creative and you have created me in your image!! and because of that i am confident that you are glorified when i use the passions You gave me and when i am creative . . . thank you!

So God created man in His own image, in the image of God

He created him;

male and female

He created them.

Genesis 1:27

road trip with jules to the beach and other places

2007-07-12T14:37:00.001-07:00

road trip with jules to the beach and places

here are my photos from day 2!!

the end of my first day...

2007-07-10T23:08:00.000-07:00

okay so my first day of taking pics with my new camera and i love it!! it totally beats point-and-shoot and that olymps (don't ask!). every time i use it i am like.. WOW!! i am so glad that i picked this camera... thank you Lord for making me wise. :)

reasons i love it:
. doesn't take forever to turn on .
. the LCD screen is so bright .
. the auto mode works awesome .
. when i went to edit them the color and clarity were great, so all i could change was the crop and saturation .
. i don't have to switch back and forth to view and take pics.... basically i can take a picture at any moment!! .

i am sure the list will go on!

my family is already sick of me taking their photo so i am looking forward to camping, sunrises with jules, and soon africa! g-night!

2007-07-10T23:06:00.000-07:00

.. pb ..
.. just for you al ..
.. i love apples ..
.. the best daddy ever ..

2007-07-10T23:05:00.000-07:00

.. beautiful ..

.. beautiful yellow flower ..

2007-07-10T23:00:00.000-07:00

.. puppy love ..
.. sugar-snickerdoodles ..
.. me ..
.. my reflection in the chrome of a huge truck ..

my first pics :)

2007-07-10T22:58:00.000-07:00

.. cinnamon sugar ..

.. my fav apples ..

.. blueberries ..

.. mom giving me "the look" already (only like 2 of 200 haha) ..

new to blogging... new to photography

2007-07-10T22:43:00.000-07:00

i just bought a brand-new NIKON d40 and am really excited to use it!! i have only had it for a short time, but it is SO easy and i love it!! :) looking forward to showing all my photos to my fam and friends...

with this camera my goal is to glorify my Savior Jesus Christ through every shot. He blessed me with everything i need, and i want to serve Him with it!!

well, here goes nothing.....!!

ps. if anyone has any tips i would love them... like i said this is all new to me!!